I woke up this morning and the question that seems to be running in my head is: To marry or not to marry? To procreate or not to procreate? Coming from a society where marriage and children are seen as the ultimate source of success and happiness makes this two questions of mine difficult to answer? To my society, family and even some friends (I might add), it is simply a rhetorical question. At my current state in life, some will even consider me to be past the prime age of marriage and procreating as my biological clock hit the big 30. But whose concern is it anyways if I decide that I procreating isn’t on my agenda? At least not for now…and the thought of adopting a child (not a baby though) at 35 has also crossed my mind.
My parent except me to come home with an African man. Preferably, someone who speaks the same language and hails from the same tribe as me. But where I’m I going to find an African man who will not want to have kids but would rather adopt? For even the ones with the low sperm count will not dare attribute their inability to fertilise a woman’s egg as their own fault. Hence, the woman bears the brunt and she is tagged as a barren woman even if she has enough viable eggs that can produce a football team. So to my question again, where do I find this man who wouldn’t mind adopting rather than procrastinating? I know the bible talks about being fruitful and multiplying but then again, our Lord Jesus Christ was never married and neither did He have a child. So I don’t think it will be a sin if I make that personal decision.
But then again, my family will never hear of this. My mother has been an expectant grandmother since the first day she thought me how to buy, use, and dispose of a sanitary towel. I can still remember the sound of her voice as they echo through the toilet door : “You have the ability to mother a child now, you know?”. And not that I just came to this decision all of a sudden but for the most part of my 20 something years, I just have never warmed up to babies. Yes I love to look baby sit my cousins but as long as their parents will take them off my hands at the end of the day, it’s all good.
And I have also thought about the implication this would have on me as well. I have searched deep down and into the most inner part of me to see if this is what i really want in life. And I have often pondered and asked myself if I would not regret this decision in some years down the line. I have asked myself weather or not I will be happy, fulfilled and content? I think I might be as long as I find a man who I love and loves me back. But then if I do eventually find a man do settle down with, will he be game? That, I seriously doubt. But hey, anything is possible, right? But after all said, I can only prayer that God’s will alone shall prevail in my life. To this I say a big AMEN!
I like to think marriage is an agreement between two people. Nobody in that institution should go away and do stuffs on their own. I think it’s an idea or a believe that’s worth sharing and talking about.
Yeah, society has placed that burden to get married on us. The point is does it make us happy or miserable at the end of it all? God help us!
That the dilemma society has placed on us-to marry or not and the perception it carries for marrying or staying single. Society doesn’t know if it makes us happy or miserable at the end of it all. God help us!
We all crave for Happiness and Fulfillment, whatever decision that bring these is worth it dear.